OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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