What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Houston, we have a squirter
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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