I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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