puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
