Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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