every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
