there's paper in my vomit.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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