So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
