Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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