I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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