so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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