You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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