So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
