think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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