I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
