in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
