You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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