Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
