Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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