what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
