Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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