I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
