hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
