Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
