he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
