Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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