just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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