I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
