We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
