They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
