There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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