You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
