I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All the doctor said was why
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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