Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
