Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
