HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
