3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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