dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I looked at my own cervix.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
