i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize