Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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