The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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