Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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