and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
