and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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