We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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