Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
