90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
