Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize