i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
