Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize