You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
