I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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