who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
