I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize