he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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