i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
