do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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