i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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