she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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