First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
