My room smells like vodka and shame
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
