he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
