i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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