where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
only you would photoshop your dick
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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