His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
how drunk are you?
Several
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
