my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
