Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
