I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize