i barfeds in our rink
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
