dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
