Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
