i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
