I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
In America we eat man semen.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
