I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
