about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize