I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
