The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
