Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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