I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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