At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
