of course. lets lasso hookers.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
