she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
