peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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