I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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