i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
