Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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