Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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