i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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