i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
