Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
