Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
