Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Are we still banned from the library?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
