Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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