Your face is a jimmy john
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a search helicopter?!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
