you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
