Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
