Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
