I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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