Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
