If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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