We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
