Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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