i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize