dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
