She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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