She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
