If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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