I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
