I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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